On Death

No haiku today. I saw a photo of my best friend from university – he died 10 years ago, around the time 2 other very close friends died, and I hurt still. I don’t do death, loss or grief well. So today I wanted to reflect, not compose. This is about me, not mixed-me-and-mankind. It’s not tidy and its not easy. Poems yesterday and tomorrow on this site if you need to look away now.

I was raised to believe in an afterlife of heaven or hell, with eternities of punishment for a lifetime of “sin”. Do the crime, do the time. OK. Cold comfort there, because I was a rebel (small “R”). Eternal life was more of an insurance policy, if I am truthful. I put in the deposits but my uncertainty bled through.

I am more of a Buddhist now, though of the one god kind. I dont believe in reincarnation, however, as I fear I’d return next time as a slug or a firefly, maybe. Perhaps a bottom dwelling scum sucking scallop. Not an angel, anyway. It gives me peace and hope. That’s enough.

I am not intending to challenge anyone’s beliefs, here, nor deride any. To each his or her own. I accept that I do not have the corner on “truth” and my “faith” is somewhat shredded and tatty now.

But I still take joy in living – perhaps because I fear dying. I love hearing music. I love reading and writing. I love sunsets and dawns, rivers and mountains, streets and buildings, this and that, yesterday and today. Tomorrow? Who knows? I know I don’t.

Ka pai; it is good.

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